For the longest time..

Haven't done this for a long time..

Whenever i'm unhappy, i will head out for a long walk. No specific starting point nore any ending point.

I did it today. I walked home from AMK mrt stn. I wanted to use this time to sort out my mind, but i ended up listening to my mp3 player. I repeatedly listened to one song, and dared not think of anything.. just kept walking..

It seemed like my world is falling apart. I can no longer pretend to be happy in front of everyone. I thought by doing so, i will feel happy while making everyone happy. All the mahjong, late nights were supposed to keep me occupied and think what not. At the end of the day, i still feel empty.

I feel like i don't belong to this world.

The negative thoughts.. freaking me out. It's like i'm subconsciously planning my death. I have finally found the right sound to play at my wake. I know which picture to use. I know how i want my wake to be decorated. It shouldn't be this way. But i can't seem to control my mind.

Many people have been asking about me. Even my temp staff notice the change. I've been unhappy. Emotional. Unstable..but i'm also trying to think positive. Really.

I can't help stay silent and not speak a word about how i'm feeling right now. Its not that i don't trust anyone. I don't know how to put it into words. People might think that i'm mentally unsound.

I need a lot more time to get over this. I'm sure its just a phase to pass. Please bear with me. I'm sorry.