To feel alone when lonely or to feel alone and empty..

which is better?

I would choose the first as i don't want to feel empty in my heart.

Sometimes i feel like i'm on the battlefield, all alone fighting with the strangers, the enemies.

Who is there to protect me?

Eventually, my parents will leave me. Will i be alright without them?

Toward friends, i can be generous. While i'm selfish toward my family. I would choose to leave before them because i don't want to be left behind. I don't want to feel like an orphan.

The emotion sinks in again. I have been waking up in the middle of the night. I can't explain but its affecting the daily life. How can i break away from this?

I'm really scared..... I'm really really scared. I cannot contain this set of emotion in me for a longer time, i feel like i'm losing myself.