waiting..

I'm seated at the nearby park while writing this entry.

Met up with Luv. Had a rather late dinner. Thereafter felt like puking, I'm still suppressing the mental thot. I know I've to overcome this. Decided to come out as I can't sleep with a filled stomach. Furthermore, I already had a serious indigestion problem.

Well, somehow I know I can't slp well tonight. Partly that I Slpt quite a lot last nite. And most importantly, I'm tryin to anticipate what the doctor has to say Tmr. I would be lying if I say that I'm not worried. I just try to laugh it off...just my thumb is trembling for no reason. Its prolly a sign of bad omen.

No idea how long would I be staying out tonight. I hope it won't be too long....

I pray for positive result...

Thank you.

My darling friends, I'm deeply sorry that I made you guys worried. I chose to cut off contact from everyone as I need some breathing space. I need to storm through what has happened lately.

Dan bestie, Ame, Luv, Sweetheart, Tracy dear, Sweetie, Buddy, Mamasans, Yoyo and everyone others who care.. Please don't worry.. I'll be safe & sound.



Thank you for the bear.. I love it..

Cuts deeply.

My world is like falling apart. Really it is..

Trust. How much do i understand about this word? What is the meaning of such a meaningful word?

Trust is as though our belief in things that we feel, see and hear. It's the touch in our hearts. We observe with our eyes, we feel with our heart and we hear with a clear mind. It is one-sided. Only with mutual trust prolly things will be on the positive side.

How easy it is to hide the truth.. yet it seemed to be the toughest to speak the truth.

I always believed in fairy tale. I thought i could be like Cinderella. I'm finally convinced that life just ain't that smooth sailing.

I have been going through the most awful period by far. I had never been in such mixed feeling. It's like my mind thinks this way, one way or another.. my heart tells me to do otherwise.

Life is fragile. I'm beginning to lose faith in everything.

I'm still adjusting myself. I had to prepare myself for the medical report which will be released on the following Wed. I can't believe what the doctor had to say when we met yesterday.

I wanted to look up for a window and jump off the building. It was merely a thought.

I'm praying in my heart. I hope the greatest fear in me will not happen in real life. I'm not prepared for anything yet.

I'm cutting out from all the crap.

I need to numb myself. Work. Drink. Late nights.



Well, you never seek to understand. You never knew how much i lost for the past weeks. My faith.. my principle.. my loving nature.. it shouldn't be this way.

Perhaps i shouldn't put up a strong front. I ain't no wonderwoman.

I hate being myself.


I asked for mercy. Leave me.. pain, sorrow, worries...

Friend "Happiness".. please come back to me. I miss you.

Back-dated

Date: 15th March 2009

I had a lot going through my mind. Losing weight is never easy for anyone, yet it seems possible and hassle-free for me at this period of time. I had sucha pain going through the days at work. If it hadn't been for someone's sake.. if i hadn't gotta click with my closest colleague.. i wonder where i will land now. I would have quit the job for good. I'm no longer the 'Nana' i used to be.. impulsive act, insensible... i have grew stronger, much brave as compared to what i was before i graduated from uni.

How odd it is.. i transformed into a new soul in a few months time. I'm better at handling stress, though i cried a couple of times due to the high level of stress. I'm still learning to handle the pressure at work. I'm compelled to multi-task, in one way or another, it's advantageous to me.. i find myself indispensable to many people, i feel useful.. i feel happy to serve people.

I may not be happy with what i own in life, i may not be fully contended of the current flow.. nevertheless, i cherish every bit of it.

Recently, i have been experiencing the similar symptoms i had back then when i was ultra weak. I have been vomiting since weeks ago. It came naturally especially when my mind is filled with work issues.

This has to end soon.. otherwise, i know where exactly i will end up in.

i wanna be free from all the pain and discomfort...