My Saturday and Sunday.

3pm tp 4pm. Cried. Physical pain. Mental torture.

10pm to 5am. Waited.

Cried.

6am to 10am. Woke up. Breakfast.

........

9pm to 12am. Drank.

I refreshed myself on the past weekend. Still not over it. I can feel the pain deep in.

Sometimes it isn't that i don't have faith and trust. It's tough to keep believing when mistakes occur repeatedly.

I made this choice. I had to stick to it though. Please don't disappoint me.

Life is fragile. They might be gone tomorrow. Treasure them!

For the longest time..

Haven't done this for a long time..

Whenever i'm unhappy, i will head out for a long walk. No specific starting point nore any ending point.

I did it today. I walked home from AMK mrt stn. I wanted to use this time to sort out my mind, but i ended up listening to my mp3 player. I repeatedly listened to one song, and dared not think of anything.. just kept walking..

It seemed like my world is falling apart. I can no longer pretend to be happy in front of everyone. I thought by doing so, i will feel happy while making everyone happy. All the mahjong, late nights were supposed to keep me occupied and think what not. At the end of the day, i still feel empty.

I feel like i don't belong to this world.

The negative thoughts.. freaking me out. It's like i'm subconsciously planning my death. I have finally found the right sound to play at my wake. I know which picture to use. I know how i want my wake to be decorated. It shouldn't be this way. But i can't seem to control my mind.

Many people have been asking about me. Even my temp staff notice the change. I've been unhappy. Emotional. Unstable..but i'm also trying to think positive. Really.

I can't help stay silent and not speak a word about how i'm feeling right now. Its not that i don't trust anyone. I don't know how to put it into words. People might think that i'm mentally unsound.

I need a lot more time to get over this. I'm sure its just a phase to pass. Please bear with me. I'm sorry.

Crazy Hours

It has been sucha long while since the last time i headed home early like everyone at home were still awake.

Headed for dinner with Chris & Hudson. Japanese food. The Senju made me drowsy. I dozed off in the car.. like for the Nth times.


Been staying up late for the past weeks. MJ.. and more MJ. Luv jio for MJ today, but i decided not to.. cos i will prolly oversleep again like i did today. And i had to rush to work by cab. It's freaking high cost to take cab to work like i have been doing so all these while. I spent hundreds on cab every month. This is insane.

Well..i'm gonna be heading out again tomorrow night. No idea where to.

So i better be sleeping soon though i'm still quite wide awake.

By the way, HAPPY BDAY CHRIS!!!! :)

Coming up.. Mommy's bday on Wed! And sweetheart's bday too!!!

I have so much going on to keep me alive... woots~~

Time for bed.. goodnight...